Get A Load of These Assholes- S&P Downgrades United State's Credit Rating

Reuters- The United States lost its top-tier AAA credit rating from Standard & Poor's on Friday in an unprecedented blow to the world's largest economy in the wake of a political battle that took the country to the brink of default. S&P cut the long-term U.S. credit rating by one notch to AA-plus on concerns about the government's budget deficit and rising debt burden. The action is likely to eventually raise borrowing costs for the American government, companies and consumers. "The downgrade reflects our opinion that the fiscal consolidation plan that Congress and the Administration recently agreed to falls short of what, in our view, would be necessary to stabilize the government's medium-term debt dynamics," S&P said in a statement. The outlook on the new U.S. credit rating is "negative," S&P said in a statement, indicating another downgrade was possible in the next 12 to 18 months. The move reflects the deterioration in the global economic standing of the United States, which has had a AAA credit rating from S&P since 1941, and it could have implications for the U.S. dollar's reserve currency status.

Dude Here.

Downgrade America? Not on my watch. You can't downgrade America, it's just not possible. These colors don't run. Just a bitch move all around by S&P. Breaking this news on a Friday? What did you think, you were going to bury the story? For sure not. You can run S&P, but The Dude is coming for you. This will be a first for Capitol Ill, but I think it's merited. The Dude is downgrading S&P. Consider it done. Now some of you are probably saying "Dude, you never rated S&P in the first place." Don't care. Taking that shit down to a CCC-. Here's why:

1) Who the hell came up with this ratings system anyway? This is some Mickey Mouse bullshit. Here's a breakdown of rating from the ever-reliable Wikipedia:


"The company rates borrowers on a scale from AAA to D. Intermediate ratings are offered at each level between AA and CCC (e.g., BBB+, BBB and BBB-). For some borrowers, the company may also offer guidance (termed a "credit watch") as to whether it is likely to be upgraded (positive), downgraded (negative) or uncertain (neutral)."


I can't decide if the guy who came up with this was a minor league baseball fan or thirteen years old. Probably both. Definitely a women, I'll tell you that for sure. And where the hell is F? You can't just leave off F's. Everyone can't just get a passing grade here. This isn't Vietnam, there are rules. I feel like AA+ sounds better than AAA anyway. I'll rep that shit all day long. 


2) This is the same company who certified all of those sub-prime mortgages as AAA secure like five years ago. Either they have zero eye for what's actually a secure investment (which would be odd, as that's their main function), or they've set the bar pretty low for AAA secure. Either way S&P, it's not a good look.


3) I'm not making this up. They have the Isle of Mann listed as AAA rated, making it more secure of an investment than The United States. An island that's smaller than my county. With 80,000 people. A bad flu season could end this island, and somehow it's worthy of a AAA ranking over us? I think not.


4) Their website is so poorly laid out that I had to use Wikipedia as a reference like eight times in this article. Spend the extra money.


5) Everyone knows there is only one real rating system. Miss you George...

So it's settled. Suck on that, S&P. Right your wrongs, and maybe I'll consider bringing your rating back up. Probably not though, because I'm a grudge holding bastard like that. 

Oh, and while I'm at it, let me grade this post: AAA. I'll be writing for the big leagues in no time.

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