Watch The West Wing Absolutely Crush This Explanation of the Debt Ceiling.

Served.



PS- I enjoyed the part about it being too dangerous for any Senator to stop it. That's what I thought, too.

Today's Edition of "Extremely Bad Ideas"

Daily Caller: More than 600 people have signed “Expose Islam on Film,” which cordially requests Mel Gibson to “create a movie documenting the true nature of Islam and give it global distribution.” ... “By resisting extreme and voluminous criticism and persevering in the production & distribution of ‘The Passion of the Christ,’” the petition reads, “Mel Gibson has demonstrated that he has the courage, determination and financial resources required to undertake this project.” the signers of the petition want the movie to be as R-rated as possible: A full length feature film depicting Muhammad receiving and reciting suras, ordering the murders of poets who criticized him, sending out raids on innocent camel caravans and peaceful settlements, raping captive women, selling children into slavery, committing genocide and dictating extortion letters to kings and emperors will be a powerful weapon in the war of ideas

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One very simple question: Are you people out of your fucking minds?

Look, we all know you're that douchebag; the one who hangs out on Stormfront messaging boards and emails us chain letters about Sharia Law. You're the assclown who drops random non sequiturs about "how the ____ are destroying America" at an otherwise cordial lunch. If someone shares a legitimate concern about, say, immigration, you've got the uncanny ability to drop a generalization that takes it just far enough to make sure everyone feels uncomfortable.

"Great point, Jessica! I hate Mexicans too!"

And you know, I'll put up with this shit when it's just dealing with your ignorance, because hey - we've all got our fucked up pastimes. It's how we cope with selling 8 hours of our lives every day to the man for the luxury of continuing to eat. We may not like to admit it, but deep inside each of us is a disturbing, hilarious ball of crazy and the more money and free time we have, the more pronounced it gets. That little geeky kid Steve grows up to be Stephen, the accountant - with a full-room shrine dedicated to his favorite anime characters. Old lady Johnson's got a closet full of whips and weird lube.

Get A Load Of This Asshole

The Daily Caller- House Republicans are just wasting their time debating Speaker John Boehner’s debt reduction bill, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said today. “Boehner’s bill dies tonight,” Reid communications director Adam Jentleson wrote on Twitter. “Forever.” “As soon as the House completes its vote, the Senate will move to take up that bill,” Reid said, “and it will be defeated tonight. Michael Steel, a spokesman for Boehner, shot back in an email to The Daily Caller: “House Republicans will vote today on a second bill to raise the debt limit and end this crisis, while Senate Democrats have failed to pass any bill to do so.  Why can’t Senate Democrats say ‘yes’ to this reasonable, responsible and bipartisan solution?” During a press conference on the Capitol steps earlier Thursday, one Republican congressman got a few laughs when speaking about Reid’s performance “If Mr. Reid wants to really talk about this,” Rep. Mike Kelly of Pennsylvania said, “then maybe ‘Profiles in Cowardice’ is the book that would’ve been written about what he’s done the last several weeks.” during the debt negotiations.

Seriously? This is the angle you're going to take? 

Look bro, I get that you don't dig Boehner's bill. I feel this. It's the same way I don't dig the way you look like the crypt keeper. You know what else I don't dig? Playing games with a bill on a Thursday afternoon with a killer weekend coming up. Or inviting the country to default. That'd be a fucking bummer, man. 

Like I said, I ain't mad at ya for opposing the bill, but who's doing your press, bro? Christopher Nolan? We're talking about a bill, not the Batman.

"It's simple, we kill the Boehner Bill." Why so serious? Probably because you're name is Harry Reid. Can't be easy going through life with a name like that. 

If you're really serious about fixing this debt situation, give me a call. I know a guy out in Jersey who handles this kind of stuff, he'll have it taken care of before the weekend is out.

You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus.

Even the best of men need a little backup sometimes... even El Duderino.

The Jesus likes to cut the bullshit, you know? So I'll ease into the pool with a brief airing of DC grievances:

1) The Tourists

I'm not 100% positive, but I think the tourists in DC may be some of the worst people in the world. In this, our nation's capitol, we have a constant running freakshow of everything that makes people hate America.

no, asshole, nickelback is canadian. don't put that curse on us.

Utter disregard for other people's time (much less traffic signals)? Check. Disturbingly high obesity rate with a side of white trash? Check. So self absorbed they don't notice they are the only jackasses standing still on the escalator? Fucking check... And honestly, what city do you people come from where it is even remotely okay for a family to wear a matching set of American flag t-shirts?

2) The Weather

If there was ever a sign that God hates Washington, it's the weather. The winter is so bitterly cold and windy that you can't get from door to door without a numb, windscorched face. I keep expecting Dennis Quaid to show up and tell me that using disposable plates and driving trucks has finally come back to kill us.

seriously, you're gonna make him cry. just fucking recycle already.

And for extra fun, it's not like most cold places where at least a nice, temperate summer is the payoff. Oh no. DC was built in a bowl made from a drained out swamp. What that means in layman's: walking to the metro is the rough equivalent of navigating the streets of hell, if hell was filled with a thick, disgustingly hot mist and everyone had to wear suits. Why? Because fuck you, that's why.

3) The Rent

I would call it highway robbery, but that's giving those vagabond bastards far too much credit. It's more like the scene in Pulp Fiction where they ball-gag Marsellus Wallace and horribly rape him with the help of the Gimp... except instead of being tricked into it, you gladly sign up to have it happen at the first of each month.

this would be an improvement.

I kid you not, a friend of mine from back home has a nice, huge place as well as a second apartment just for college football games for less than I pay for one. But there's not a damned thing you can do about it... just drop trow, spread 'em, and limp back upstairs. Thank you sir, may I have another?

/Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me.

This is where we're at.

This Photo Is Tremendous

 

I can't say enough good things about this picture.  This couldn't have less to do with D.C., but you're not not gonna post a picture of an NBA superstar mean muggin' with a panda in his lap. 

Reasons Why I'm Not Ever Leaving The Civilized World, pt. I

MyFoxOrlando- A South African health official says a man awoke to find himself in a morgue fridge — nearly a day after his family thought he had died. Health department spokesman Sizwe Kupelo said Monday that the man awoke Sunday afternoon, 21 hours after his family called in an undertaker who sent him to the morgue after an asthma attack. Kupelo says the man started yelling, prompting morgue workers to run away in fear. They eventually returned and removed him from the fridge. He was then taken to a nearby hospital and later discharged by doctors who deemed him stable. The mortuary owner says his family is very happy to have him home. Kupelo urged South Africans to call on health officials to confirm that their relatives are really dead.

Holy Shit. A couple thoughts coming out of the gate:

1) This guy has a bunch of assholes for a family. Look, I don't care where you live, if a family member of yours drops to the ground and stops moving, you better make god damn certain that they're actually dead. Happy to have him home? I'm calling bullshit. They probably didn't even pick him up from the hospital. Bet you 2 to 1 that his room was redecorated in the 21 hours his shit family thought he was dead. Probably with whatever the South African equivalent of a pool table is.

Can We Start a Congressional Sex Scandal Office Pool Already?

Politico- Rep. David Wu has been accused of an “unwanted sexual encounter” with the teenage daughter of a longtime friend, the latest scandal to engulf the troubled Oregon Democrat. The Oregonian reported the person involved graduated from high school in 2010 but did not mention her age. She and her family declined to speak to the newspaper. Shortly before the 2010 elections, Wu began behaving erratically, according to The Oregonian and other news outlets. Wu sent a bizarre picture of himself in a tiger costume to his staffers, and some of them urged him to seek psychiatric help. More than a half dozen staffers and campaign consultants quit as Wu bombarded them with troubling phone calls and emails.

These latest allegations against Wu add to the growing list of sex scandals that have rocked Capitol Hill over the past two years. Former Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) recently resigned from Congress following a national firestorm over lewd photos he sent to women he met over the Internet. Former Rep. Christopher Lee (R-N.Y.) was caught sending a topless online photo and also resigned. Former Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.) had an affair with one of his campaign aides, who also happened to be the wife of his deputy chief of staff. Ensign stepped down from office on May 3.  And ex-Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) quickly departed Capitol Hill in March 2010 after POLITICO reported he was under investigation by the House Ethics Committee for allegations of sexual harassment of male staffers.
  
Seriously.  Lets get this thing going. I'd enjoy this at least three times as much as a Superbowl box pool, and there is literally no chance another scandal doesn't break before Labor Day. Charge like a dollar a square, hope like hell the congressman you pull is a perv. Tell me you wouldn't be interested in this. Hell, Congress itself should set this up. Use some of the proceeds to pay down that trillion dollar debt they keep bitching about. We get it, you guys fucked up and if you don't figure out some way to fix it, we're going to go back to donkeys roaming the streets with pans clanging on their sides. Maybe we need that. This whole debt thing shouldn't be this difficult to fix anyway. Even Fredo had a guy to cook the books. 

Last thing: Politico needs to chill with the hating on Wu's tiger suit. Elections are held like two weeks from Halloween, and an Asian dude dressed as a tiger is gonna kill it. Especially at a High School party. Just showing his staffers some swag. Nothing weird about that at all.

What the fuck is this?

Obviously you're not a golfer.