MyFoxOrlando- A South African health official says a man awoke to find himself in a morgue fridge — nearly a day after his family thought he had died. Health department spokesman Sizwe Kupelo said Monday that the man awoke Sunday afternoon, 21 hours after his family called in an undertaker who sent him to the morgue after an asthma attack. Kupelo says the man started yelling, prompting morgue workers to run away in fear. They eventually returned and removed him from the fridge. He was then taken to a nearby hospital and later discharged by doctors who deemed him stable. The mortuary owner says his family is very happy to have him home. Kupelo urged South Africans to call on health officials to confirm that their relatives are really dead.
Holy Shit. A couple thoughts coming out of the gate:
1) This guy has a bunch of assholes for a family. Look, I don't care where you live, if a family member of yours drops to the ground and stops moving, you better make god damn certain that they're actually dead. Happy to have him home? I'm calling bullshit. They probably didn't even pick him up from the hospital. Bet you 2 to 1 that his room was redecorated in the 21 hours his shit family thought he was dead. Probably with whatever the South African equivalent of a pool table is.
2) How fucking glad am I that I live in the United States? Sure, we're like 25 minutes away from defaulting on our debt and half the billboards on the way to my apartment are in Spanish, but if I can be sure of one thing it's this: Under no circumstances can my friends or family make the call to bring me directly to the morgue. I can't imagine a place where this is possible. What would that phone call even be like? "Yeah...Pretty sure he's dead...Like 80-85% sure so come grab him before I start second guessing myself here."
3) I used to work at a Friendly's in Jersey. About once a month I'd have to help restock the walk-in fridge and freezer. I couldn't stand to be in there for more than like 10 minutes. It's colder than you think. Imagine what this poor dude went through: the last thing he remembers is his family neglecting to find medical assistance while he's having an asthma attack serious enough to make him seem like he's dead, then he wakes up a day later in a fucking refrigerator surrounded by dead bodies. Probably with the worst case of shrinkage of all time. I'd put it up against anything. Probably why he was yelling in the first place.
I also like that the health department spokesman had to clarify in a statement that South Africans should make sure that their family members are really dead. Bro, if people are behind enough to mistake their living relatives for dead, there's no shot in hell they're reading your press release.
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