Lot of unanswered questions here...

KPVI - An Idaho Falls man has been told not to wear his bunny suit in public anymore after neighbors complained that he was frightening small children... According to reports, a resident told authorities that her son had been frightened by Falkingham who was wearing a black bunny suit and hiding behind a tree. The neighbor also told police that the 34-year-old male pointed his finger like a gun at her son. Officers also spoke to other neighbors who expressed that they were greatly disturbed by Falkingham and his bunny suit. Neighbors also reported that the 34-year-old occasionally wears a tutu with the costume. Falkingham told authorities that he enjoys wearing the suit, but understands the neighbors’ concerns and complaints.

--

It just wouldn't be right to start this off without the picture, so for your viewing pleasure:

It all looks so harmless and whimsical!

The first time I read this, I laughed. Then I looked at the picture a bit longer, and read this again. Suddenly, this seemed a whole lot less like "quirky news" and more like "The Hardy Boys: SVU."

Why the hell is this being treated like some fun-filled rapscallions are gallivanting around the neighborhood? This isn't a bunch of 6-year-olds with bandannas and plastic swords stealing pies from Old lady Johnson (oh yeah, the very same). We're talking about a guy wearing a black, full-body rabbit suit in near-100 degree temperature and following small children around, apparently taunting them.

What. The. Fuck. Seriously, look at the picture again. That is some high octane nightmare fuel in portable form. And notice the subtle likeness between the eyes of the man and the cold, marble eyes of the rabbit costume. I want to believe that's the empty gaze of Lenny Small, not John Wayne Gacy Jr., but hell man. That whole "stalking little kids" thing doesn't bode so well.

The really obvious "holy shit" factors aside, I have two other thoughts here:


First, I like how they specifically draw attention to him pointing at the kid 'like a gun.' I can just imagine how that conversation went - "You know, I was a little uneasy that a man in a bunny costume and a pink tutu was stalking my kid around the neighborhood, but then I thought 'hey, he's probably just harmless. We've all been there.' Then the son of a bitch went too far. We need more strict gun laws in this town, Lou. I'm tellin' you. I was really freaked out that guy might shoot my kid, and nothing is more embarrassing than getting shot by a guy in an animal suit."

er... almost nothing.

And secondarily: What the hell kind of conclusion is that? You pull the guy aside, and he's like "Eh, i hear you. Maybe I did go a little far... I suppose my hobby of dressing like a demon rabbit in a tutu could be misunderstood. Fine, fine, I'll give it a rest." And everyone lived happily ever after? They really wrap it up with a neat bow there at the end, and I can't help but feel this will end poorly. This guy isn't just some oddball who likes to have sex with his fellow oddballs in animal costumes.

Which brings us back to "Hardy Boys: SVU." Maybe to the crack team at Idaho Falls PD this is an open and shut case - and hey, we can't go hauling in every weirdo off the streets. I'm all about that whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing. But I think at the end of this article they should specify some things to make us all feel better about this. Like "Missing children in the last year: 0. Registered Sex Offender: No. Manages hotel with recluse mother: False"

ugh, getting stabbed by a giant rabbit is just the worst.

But what's going to happen when a couple of fun filled middle school do-gooders decide to take this situation into their own hands? Something tells me when Encyclopedia Brown stumbles upon Mr. Falkingham's secret Swayze dungeon that it's not going to end over laughs at the dinner table.