Get A Load of These Assholes- S&P Downgrades United State's Credit Rating

Reuters- The United States lost its top-tier AAA credit rating from Standard & Poor's on Friday in an unprecedented blow to the world's largest economy in the wake of a political battle that took the country to the brink of default. S&P cut the long-term U.S. credit rating by one notch to AA-plus on concerns about the government's budget deficit and rising debt burden. The action is likely to eventually raise borrowing costs for the American government, companies and consumers. "The downgrade reflects our opinion that the fiscal consolidation plan that Congress and the Administration recently agreed to falls short of what, in our view, would be necessary to stabilize the government's medium-term debt dynamics," S&P said in a statement. The outlook on the new U.S. credit rating is "negative," S&P said in a statement, indicating another downgrade was possible in the next 12 to 18 months. The move reflects the deterioration in the global economic standing of the United States, which has had a AAA credit rating from S&P since 1941, and it could have implications for the U.S. dollar's reserve currency status.

Dude Here.

Downgrade America? Not on my watch. You can't downgrade America, it's just not possible. These colors don't run. Just a bitch move all around by S&P. Breaking this news on a Friday? What did you think, you were going to bury the story? For sure not. You can run S&P, but The Dude is coming for you. This will be a first for Capitol Ill, but I think it's merited. The Dude is downgrading S&P. Consider it done. Now some of you are probably saying "Dude, you never rated S&P in the first place." Don't care. Taking that shit down to a CCC-. Here's why:

Monday's Lunchtime Links

It's Monday, so let's be honest here. Late to work? Most likely. Exhausted? Undoubtedly. Friday feels like it's about as close as Christmas. You're probably not getting more than 15 minutes of actual work in today. We're here to help you do that. News and notes from the weekend that was:


S&P downgraded the United States' credit rating from AAA to AA+ over the weekend. I guess we won't be making the dean's list this semester. (reuters)


S&P downgrade partially caused by recent political gridlock & partisanship. Naturally, both parties react by blaming one another. Que Alanis Morissette. (politico)

At least all this downgrade news isn't affecting the stock market... (nytimes)


Timothy Geithner to stay on as Secretary of the Treasury. You know, because the economy has pretty much been killing it since he came on in 2009. (dailycaller)

Chinese rating company with no ulterior motive looks into their crystal ball, sees a future where puny American dollar is replaced with glorious Chinese currency. Shocking. (cnbc)

London riots! And we're fairly certain it's got nothing to do with soccer this time. (nytimes)

Stephen Strasburg throws hot fire in his first rehab start at Class A Hagerstown. (wapo)

Saturday was "fan appreciation day" at Redskins training camp. I'd note that "fan" is singular. (nbcwashington)

Prince George's County is rethinking casino style gambling in wake of current economic conditions. If I suddenly stop posting on CC, you'll know they approved it. (wapo)

Miami PD ruin Big Boi of Outkast's bid for "the greatest weekend ever." (tmz)

The Hammer: Michele, you look great.

Lunchtime Links

Happy Friday afternoon, kids. We at Capitol Ill understand that you've probably spend the last four hours or so ignoring emails, GChatting, and trying to figure out if you were still over the legal limit when you drove to work this morning. That's why we're kicking off a little something new - compiling a set of "things you were probably too hungover to process" so that when you step into that meeting in 45 minutes, there's something knocking around inside your skull besides tequila metabolites. Without further ado:


82% of Americans now disapprove of the job Congress is doing it's job.  Wait, so Congress publicly engaging in the worlds most repetitive pissing contest was a bad thing? (WaPo)

In totally unrelated news. (WSJ)


Nader promises a Democratic Primary challenger to Obama. Well, at least he's not running? (Daily Caller)

Speaking of running for president. (SplitSide)

Redskin QB Rex Grossman has been doing big things this offseason. And by big I mean fat. (Yahoo Sports)

Good luck on the Red Line this weekend...and the Blue line for that matter. Maybe just stay away from the Metro. (WaPo)

Bear Grylls' son saves girl's life. Even if they do drink their own piss, this is a seriously badass family. (Daily Mail)

And you thought our debt crisis was bad. European debt crisis 101. (WaPo)

Remember The Rent Is Too Damn High guy? Turns out the rent really was too damn high. (Politico)

The Hammer: It's tough logic to argue with...

Read us daily at capitolillDC.com and follow us on twitter @CapitolIll

Worst. Esé. Ever.

 

(Via)- A 21-year-old woman has come forward in what police say is the sixth reported attack on young women and teenage girls at Fairfax County shopping malls since February.  The woman told police on Monday that she was shopping at the T.J. Maxx at Fairfax Towne Center on June 8 when she felt something pinch her skirt, police said.  At the time, she thought that she had been cut by a hanger and did not think much of the incident.  But after police recently connected a string of five seemingly random slashings that began on Valentine's Day, the woman realized she may have been a victim of a similar attack.  "This is an example of this happening to other people who didn't realize it at the time," said Fairfax County police spokeswoman Lucy Caldwell. In each incident, the suspect distracted the victim before slashing her with a box cutter or razor, police said.  The suspect is described as a heavyset Latino man in his late 20s, police said. He is about 5-foot-6, and various surveillance tapes show him wearing a white wristwatch on his left arm.  In the June 8 incident, the woman told police she remembered seeing a man picking up pieces of clothing after she felt the pinch. When she returned home, she discovered cuts in her skirt, police said. She did not require medical treatment.  


Dude here.  Look, I'm not gonna sit here and act like this guy should have actually stabbed these women.  That's obviously some serious shit I wouldn't wish on anyone.  With that being said, is this guy the worst Latino gangster of all time?  These women didn't even require medical attention.  Or know they got fucking stabbed for that matter.  Do you have any idea how many times I've accidentally stabbed myself?  There's probably still pencil graphite in my knee from grade school.  And this guy swings and misses on six occasions?  Something doesn't add up.  All I know is this: If I was La Raza, I'd be way out in front of this story.  Demanding DNA testing and shit.  No way I'm letting this guy ruin my people's hard earned rep.

Lot of unanswered questions here...

KPVI - An Idaho Falls man has been told not to wear his bunny suit in public anymore after neighbors complained that he was frightening small children... According to reports, a resident told authorities that her son had been frightened by Falkingham who was wearing a black bunny suit and hiding behind a tree. The neighbor also told police that the 34-year-old male pointed his finger like a gun at her son. Officers also spoke to other neighbors who expressed that they were greatly disturbed by Falkingham and his bunny suit. Neighbors also reported that the 34-year-old occasionally wears a tutu with the costume. Falkingham told authorities that he enjoys wearing the suit, but understands the neighbors’ concerns and complaints.

--

It just wouldn't be right to start this off without the picture, so for your viewing pleasure:

It all looks so harmless and whimsical!

The first time I read this, I laughed. Then I looked at the picture a bit longer, and read this again. Suddenly, this seemed a whole lot less like "quirky news" and more like "The Hardy Boys: SVU."

Why the hell is this being treated like some fun-filled rapscallions are gallivanting around the neighborhood? This isn't a bunch of 6-year-olds with bandannas and plastic swords stealing pies from Old lady Johnson (oh yeah, the very same). We're talking about a guy wearing a black, full-body rabbit suit in near-100 degree temperature and following small children around, apparently taunting them.

What. The. Fuck. Seriously, look at the picture again. That is some high octane nightmare fuel in portable form. And notice the subtle likeness between the eyes of the man and the cold, marble eyes of the rabbit costume. I want to believe that's the empty gaze of Lenny Small, not John Wayne Gacy Jr., but hell man. That whole "stalking little kids" thing doesn't bode so well.

The really obvious "holy shit" factors aside, I have two other thoughts here:

Hoss Of The Week, 1.0

Hoss -noun- 

1) One who is a beast that can basically do anything he wants. He is usually loved by all and a ladies man. He could break anyone or anything in half. Hoss is a compliment.

2) In between Superhero and God. 

-(Via)

Power.  Fucking.  Play.  Is this guy serious?  Dude could be my mayor any day.  Just a no bullshit approach here.  Did you catch this part?  The luxury vehicles had only been parked in these bike lanes for the past few days.  Not even a week.  Rich Lithuanian assholes try to take an inch, get blasted by the mayor.  Makes Giuliani look like Mayor McCheese.  Probably the second best demolition of a luxury car that I've ever seen.  First with taxpayer dollars.

Mayor Zuokas of Lithuania- your hoss of the week.

Didn't See This One Coming

NBCWashington- A new report says that adults in Washington D.C. abuse alcohol more than anyone else in the country.  According to a new study by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, 8.1 percent of adults age 26 or older in D.C. are alcohol dependent.  Looking at a long-term sampling, alcohol abuse rate is on the rise for the District, according to the survey.  The Washington Examiner first reported the story, noting that alcohol abuse has been a chronic issue in the District, affecting residents from the city's streets to former First Lady Betty Ford in the White House. The Examiner reported that overall, D.C.'s combined alcohol and drug dependence rate was 11.3 percent of residents age 12 and older.  Virginia's rate for the same age group was 9.4 percent, and in Maryland, the abuse rate was 9.4 percent.

If you're surprised by this you're either a Mormon or an idiot.  This pretty much explains the debt crisis though.  Have you ever brought a credit card to the bar?  I've never once been happy with that decision.  Opening at tab is dangerous in its own right, then all the sudden there's a solid seven talking to you and you think to yourself, "fuck it, it's not like I have to pay it back now."  Start buying drinks you can't afford.  Next thing you know you're closer to reaching your credit limit than getting laid, so naturally you buy another drink to think about it less.  Don't look at your bank statement for like three weeks.  Not a good look.  Anyway, yeah, that credit card was the national debt.  DC was the drunk guy.  And I'm pretty sure the military is the solid seven.  Not positive though.  Bottom's up.

PS- How the hell are we supposed to balance this budget drunk?  I can barely balance my body when I'm drunk. Legitimately. A set of stairs look like the aggro crag after a few drinks. But you want us to magically find trillions of dollars in the books to free up in this condition? Best case scenario we're wicked hung over. Get real.